Jessica: The Finale

To anyone who cares, I'd like to explain my previous two posts about Jessica and explain why they were so emotionally-charged.

Basically, I liked this girl and was too chicken to ask her out. I held her as the embodiment of perfection. Stupid me!

Anyway, I liked her because she seemed to stand out from the crowd and be different. The more I learned, the more I liked.

Then she invited us all to a graduation party at the end of the year. I knew I simply could not go. However, I "disguised" myself (with a cap and sunglasses) and walked by the party. As luck would have it, one of my friends (Jeff) recognized me. I acted surprised, but I was kicking myself on the inside. He told me to come to the party. Now I was trapped. I told my mom where I was going and headed out. I breathed very heavily despite walking extremely slowly. Another of my friends (Nate) drove past and talked to me. He said "Are you alright? You look out of breath." I was taken aback. I was nervous, but I didn't think I LOOKED nervous. I told him I was fine and worked up the courage to walk to the other side of the fence.

The party itself was actually fairly boring. We just talked about random stuff for an hour, played cornhole, and shot a Frisbee around. I can't really explain it because you don't know her, but I just kind of didn't like her anymore. She wasn't the person I thought she was. That's it. I went home very depressed and, thus, the emotional blog entry. I'm pretty much over it now, but I just wonder if I'll ever have a girlfriend.

Not much today II

I really need to get back into this, but I've been busy and will continue to be for the next few days.

Not much today

Took a day off. I plan to get into the books later. I want to e-mail some people first.

Library

I went to the library to get a few books I've been wanting. I checked out Mere Christianity, The Great Divorce, Miracles (all by C.S. Lewis), and the DVD of Case for Christ (they didn't have the book.) I plan to read those and I'll let you know how it goes.

Reading the Bible

Sorry for my last post, but I really feel strongly about that. I know there are "plenty of fish in the sea" but I'm just really disappointed, that's all.

Anyways, I started reading the Bible I got. It is extremely interesting! I'm really glad I got it. It talks about ancient culture, the reliability of the Bible, alleged contradictions, everything I could have asked for. It's not super in-depth, but it serves as an excellent starting point for further research. I plan to look into some stuff later on. But for now peace out!

On the other side of the fence

I hate it. I hate it so much. Why can't I ever get one girlfriend? And why is there never any girls who at least follow what they believe? God, it sucks. I'm sick of everyone being a hypocrite! I just want out! I just want it to stop! There's no one to talk to! I can't believe I went to that party! It all just sucks! I know I will look back on this later and think it's stupid but I don't care. I hate it! I just hate it! Jessica, why can't you know? Can't you just see what you're doing to me? I can't get you out of my head! It's killing me!

Jessica

I haven't been reading much. I plan to get back into that soon.

For now, I want to talk (type) about Jessica. I love her. I want to go to the party but I can't. People tell me to go, I say easy for you to say. I just can't do it. I look stupid, I have nothing "cool" to wear, I just don't know what to do. If I go, I'll screw something up in front of her. If I don't, there's a chance that the cat could be out of the bag. I was hoping we could do something tomorrow, but no. She deserves better than me anyway. I'm not just putting myself down. It's true. I could be the most handsome, smart, perfect guy ever and she would still deserve better. She deserves more than the world will ever offer her. I would write poetry, but the world would run out of paper. I'd speak, but I would die long before I was finished. I'd write a song, but it would never end. Overall, it would be better for me to stay home. I'm sorry.